Thursday, October 10, 2013

A little rant about being a SAHM! (Stay At Home Mom)

I just read some comments to blog post about being a SAHM and how hard the job really is. In the comments, folks called it a "Mommy competition." 
I am one, proudly! I also homeschool my boys. I just spent the morning climbing on the roof to clear the dryer vent. Why, so I could do the laundry! I could have waited for my husband to come home and do it, but then what time would I have left to spend with my husband?
Life is filled with choices, every woman can be a SAHM. EVERY woman, even the single ones. I knew a woman that was a SAHM while she raised 7 kids, home-schooled them and did it after her husband left 2 days after delivery of #7.
I have been a SAHM while following my husband’s career of traveling around the country, moving every 3-6 months. We choose to have only 1 car, eat out rarely and to be tight with our money. We can afford for me to stay home because we choose to.
I don’t think it’s a competition, it’s a choice. I wouldn’t choose to work, because that would be a choice to allow others to raise my sons. I wouldn’t choose to send my boys to public school, because that would mean allowing others to decide what they are to learn. Both would also allow others to reap the rewards of watching my kids grow, their joy when getting a math problem that was difficult, or reading for the first time.
You say that you couldn’t be a SAHM yourself, why not? Most answers I get to that question…., “My kids would drive me nuts!” I say, but if you were the one setting the standards and rules, along with enforcing them, how could your children be so crazy? They would know what was expected of them, the rules wouldn’t be changing based on who was in charge, so their behavior would be more in tune to what you want.
Then there is the thought that I am in some way judging those who choose to be working moms. I am not judging you, I am stating way I choose to be at home. My priorities are what they are for me. Yes, you could take my arguments against "kids driving you crazy" as a judgment. But I just can stand people putting the blame of their choice on the kids. It's not the kids that are keeping you out of the home, it's your choice!
If you think you can't choose to stay home because of money, your wrong. It is not about money, it's about the money you think you need to have/spend. No one ever goes to court and tells the judge, "He forced me at gun point to buy a new car every 2 years!" No, that is a choice. I choose to be frugal and to plan my shopping and meals around a price that I am willing to spend. 
There are so many other things in our lives these days, that are NOT choices. I did not choose for my son to have Spina Bifida. But I did choose to love every day and every moment I have with him. I can choose how I deal with it. Hiding from the hard truth and hard work is not going to make him be the best he can be. It's the hard work that I chose to do that has allowed him to walk without braces or crutches or walkers. It's the choices we made that allowed him to receive the care he needed to make him the best he can be. If I had hide from it or given up because it was going to be too much hard work.... I would have done what the Doctors wanted me to do, ABORT. But I didn't run from it, I didn't give up because it was hard work. I faced it head on not knowing if he would ever walk or even if it would take his life, I faced the unknowns and the hard work head on. And I am reaping the rewards every day!
So, I am not judging you for your choice, I am judging you for your excuses and for placing blame were it should never be placed, on your children!
So, yes... I am ranting a little. Don't take offense, just be truthful to yourselves.