Monday, March 17, 2014

A Turning Point: Anger or Control! & Updates, Family Fun and New Goal

So, we have been busy around our home the last couple of weeks. We have been enjoying ourselves and sharing time with friends. My last post was almost a month ago and since then, not much has changed on the job front. We know we will be waiting until around the beginning of May to make any plans. Until then, we are just going to enjoy our life. Marty has been working and the boys have been doing their school work. My Jonah bible study class finished up and will be starting a new study this week.

"Updates & Family Fun"

 I'll cover the last 2 weeks of February..... We had the cold bug go through the males of the house, yes I avoided it! We then had sleep over and a field trip day to the zoo. Note the pictures, Ryan is growing up since the first time we went there! Spring 2009 and February 2014
Fun with 3 pre-teen boys and riding the train! Long day but worth the fun. We went to the Botanical gardens and Children's Garden, neat place. We have to go back, we ran out of time!
We then went into March with our insurance through Marty's employer kicking in, Medicaid switching to a HMO type plan base. Then after having reported all the changes and turned in all the documentation needed, Medicaid was canceled on the 10th. Oh well, got eye exams done on both Marty and I.... still waiting for the glasses to come in. I have been working on the garden, mostly covering and un-covering the garden. The weather has been crazy with 82 one day and dropping to 14 by the next evening. Not to mention bringing freezing rain with it. I need to get my seedlings out of the house and into the garden before they die from lack of root space! More sleep overs and hanging out with friends. Those fill my time and I enjoy that more than anything.
We also went on a short ½ day mission trip. We joined our church youth for the afternoon on their mission field during spring break. The youth hosted a mini Vacation Bible School at a low-income apartment complex, working with an organization that has lots of groups doing the same. The boys friend plays guitar and writes his own songs. So we practiced 2 songs and the boys performed them for the VBS kids. It almost didn't happen, the complex had a “rough” crowd, there was a fear of bully type behavior and our youth/children's pastor was concerned for the boys feelings. We gave the boys the info and warned them of the fears, then gave them the option to back out. They didn't! While it wasn't perfect, after having to quietly speak to a few rowdy ones, a few others really seemed to connect with the message of the music.
We continued our day with joining the Dance class at Scottish Rite Hospital, we attended this class last year but they have changed the schedule to Wednesday nights, conflicting with our church schedule. After having a ton of fun, the boys were now hungry, so off to Ihop for some dinner. Long day filled with so much fun and fellowship! 
Finished the spring break week with some great family fun. For 2 days no body got dressed, we played the Wii 1 day and watched recorded shows the 2nd day. We even ordered pizza and grabbed snacks instead of cooking 1 day! Lazy family time, but together!

“Turning Point: Anger or Control” 

During all of this fun, the bible study finished up Jonah. I had a few more Jonah moments, but was more reflective, not pensive. A verse that got me really thinking; The Lord said, “Do you have good reason to be angry?” Jonah 4:4
Do I have reason to be angry at God? I always have refused to blame God for any troubles, always thought that was the worst thing I could do. I can't get angry at Him, He is God! Right?? But, should I be allowed to feel angry, if only for a moment? Should I just get it out? While I never placed blame on God for any troubles, I would say that it was meant to be a lesson, somewhere in whatever was going on, there should be a lesson to learn. But when the trouble hits you back to back, you wonder what lesson are you missing. The angry comes, but you direct it at yourself first- “You are missing the lesson! You did something wrong and still haven't learned what God wants you to learn!!” Just questioning yourself, your every action, word etc, looking for the wrong doing to explain why things are falling apart around you. If that doesn't get you answers, you then start looking at your spouse- “what have they done wrong? Where are they slipping? What reason (blame) can be causing the trouble in your life?” Then starts the cycle of guilt, “I have no right to blame my spouse; I shouldn't question their faithfulness; I have a bad attitude!” etc. So, anger is there all along, it's just directed different. But when we get angry at ourselves, are we also getting angry at God? For me, that is where I needed to go. I needed to hear the words, “It's OK to be angry at God!” I had been placing this blame on my shoulders and trying to find the answers, working so hard that I was doing it again.... taking control! Here it is again, that ugly bug that grabs us, takes a hold, multiplies like fleas and we can't get rid of it! CONTROL!!!! I was trying to find a way to control the “why” it was all happening. Anything I could do but get angry at God, because to get angry at Him meant that He was the one in control of it all! I'll say that again, “If I were to get angry at God, that means He is in control of the circumstances that I am in.” We all know and I believe, He will take care of us in our times of need, but do we acknowledge that He is in control and may have caused them? The troubling times are reminders that He is in control, not just over the solutions but over the causes as well. Now I know most folks would/ will disagree with me on this. Most say that God doesn't punish or cause bad things to happen, it's the devil that does it. Well, sometimes it is the devil but the bible does tell us God punishes. “Whether for correction, or for His world, Or for loving kindness, He causes it to happen.” Job 37:13 
So, God CAUSES it to happen. That means He does control it all, the good and the bad. See, here is my reminder and here is my lesson to be learned; He is in control, not me. So, I let go! I don't have to worry about what, how or why, I just need to be me and enjoy my family, where-ever we are.
Now, letting go doesn't mean not doing what I am supposed to do. It means to let go of the worry and the reason's behind it all. If you don't think about the why, then most of the worry goes away with it. So, we are paying our bills, spending our time and money on what we need to and even on some of the wants. We are not worrying about saving for the rainy day that always seems to come. But you want to know what keeps happening when we do that, the money we “need” comes right when we need it. I give to others more freely and spend on my family. I still am frugal, but I stopped hoarding the money. I had a $100 bill in my wallet for almost 2 months, worried that if I spent it, then some emergency would happen and then I would be left feeling guilty that I had spent that last $100. Sound familiar? Well, so finally I went through and spent all the money in the bank account to pay all the bills I could. Next day, there were checks in the mail to cover the bills I couldn't. So then, Marty get's the job and get's his 1st pay check, I again paid all the bills.
Now I still had this $100 bill in my wallet, but now I didn't need it as much as it was a security blanket. Then for some reason I had to break that $100, needed to use cash for some reason and only had that left. A few days later, a friend let me know they were having some struggles and were short on funds. I was able to give all that I had left from that $100 and help someone else that needed it. If it had still been in that $100 bill, my friend might not have taken it. See, life keeps going and I have to remember, I AM NOT IN CONTROL... GOD is!
So, now this week we start a new bible study, on Nehemiah. I am looking forward to more “moments” of God speaking to me. I hope I help to inspire you, or spark you to re-look at things and stop trying to control things.

"New Goal"

Also, our new family goal... work on our prayers. The boys offer our mealtime prayers, I have now challenged them to “5 finger prayers” which is 1 prayer or praise for each finger (and the thumb) during their mealtime prayers. We do a quick run down before we start, so everyone gets to help pick the 5, also that way we all are really focused on those 5 prayers.This has been helpful and we hope our prayers are getting answered. Have a blessed day!